


if the moon fell down

by wartransmission



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-15
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 19:51:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1317193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wartransmission/pseuds/wartransmission
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto has a box he keeps hidden right in the back of his mind. It's a small box, compact and secure, and Makoto is scared of it. He tries not to be- he's even locked it himself to keep it from opening on its own.</p><p>It's a small box, almost unnoticeable because of how tiny he's made it, and it's sitting right next to his big box of fears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if the moon fell down

Haru has always fallen asleep before Makoto, unfailingly so, ever since they were kids. It was something that Makoto particularly disliked when they were younger, considering how that always left him to lie in the darkness alone while hoping that slumber came to him just as quickly as it did for Haru. The most he could do to comfort himself was to keep one hand clutched onto Haru's shirt, even though that only offered a small bit of comfort compared to feeling the warmth of Haru's hand in his.  (Being in Haru's embrace was always a big no-no ever since he stepped into elementary school, considering how he was already supposed to be a big boy by then.)

 

Still, it was the only reason that Makoto knew what Haru looked like when he slept. Curled in on himself as he lied on his side, always with his face turned away from Makoto, as though he didn't want Makoto to see how he looked as he slept. As though he were trying to hide something, even though there wasn't much he could hide in his sleep. He wasn't a talker while he slept nor did he move around, so there wasn't really much that Makoto could say about Haru from his sleeping patterns. It wasn't like that sort of thing mattered to Makoto when he was a kid, anyway. All that mattered was that Haru's warm back was close by, always open for Makoto to press closer to, even though the most that Makoto could dare to do was keep a hand clutching at his shirt. A little connection between them as they slept, though it didn't matter much in the morning.

 

Honestly speaking, Makoto doesn't always watch Haru whenever he sleeps. It just so happens that Haru, who always sleeps first, is the first thing that Makoto absently turns his attention to whenever he struggles to fall asleep on his own. The sight of Haru asleep, even when they've already reached fifteen years of age, never failed to make Makoto smile.

 

When he was fourteen (since Haru celebrated his birthday earlier than he did) and sleeping over at Haru's house, it occurred to him, perhaps a little too late, that Haru has stopped sleeping on his side. It's right when he felt his eyes fluttering shut without his permission, while he's looking at Haru's peaceful expression, that he realized how Haru was sleeping on his back now, the arm farther from Makoto folded over his abdomen with his other arm lying flat on the floor beside him. An open invitation of sorts for his hand to be held, Makoto thought to himself with an internal giggle, as he eventually fell asleep to the sight of Haru's open palm right over the sheet covering the lower half of his body. He wouldn't have nightmares then, only the soothing darkness and Haru's warmth beside him keeping him company in his dreams.

 

[Both of their mothers don't tell them because they know it would make them (Makoto, especially) embarrassed and self-conscious, but they always- _always_ \- manage to find the boys mirroring each other's sleeping positions in their sleep.]

 

The first time that Haru doesn't fall asleep before Makoto is when he exchanges places with Rei near the end of their camping trip, and Makoto feels guilty even though he knows he shouldn't be. Putting Haru through that sort of thing, making him see Makoto being close to death- it wasn't kind of him at all, was it? That he couldn't control his fear wasn't his fault, Haru said with only his stern gaze, though that couldn't completely comfort Makoto.

 

He looks to Haru when they settle in their tent, knowing well enough that trying to be discreet would be futile. Haru's eyes, while they are half-lidded, aren't even close to fluttering shut like Makoto's eyes are. "Haru," Makoto asks, trying to keep the yawn from reaching his words as he turns his head to look at Haru, "you can't sleep?"

 

"Mm," Haru hums in response. It's a clear yes, considering how his gaze doesn't at all falter from the top of the tent. Makoto shifts under his blanket, distractedly looking down at his hand, which is how he notices Haru's open hand lying right by his own. He raises his gaze and notices Haru's other arm folded over his stomach, a position that Makoto is familiar with, though not one he’d ever think he'd mirror of his own accord. He didn't even notice that he had adopted the same position at all. He makes to pull his hand away from its place right by Haru's hand, though he stops once he looks up and notices the look Haru is giving him.

 

_Don't. It's fine._

 

Makoto clears his throat, trying not to let his embarrassment at being caught show as he relaxes under his blanket. "Sorry." He smiles when Haru quirks an eyebrow in response. "It's been a long time since we last held hands, isn't it?"

 

Haru turns away then, not at all caring about the childhood memory being brought up. Makoto puts on a smile anyway, knowing well enough that Haru doesn't mean to appear indifferent about it. It's just that Haru isn't the type to be openly reminiscent about anything.

 

"Why did we stop?" Haru asks out of the blue and Makoto blinks, fully turning his head to the left to see Haru's expression. It's still blank as ever, though Makoto can feel that there's something there that he hasn't quite grasped yet. There's something in the firm line that is Haru's lips- though what it is, Makoto isn’t sure yet.

 

"Why did we stop," Makoto murmurs in turn, turning his head to the front once he realizes that Haru won't ask anything more. "Because that sort of thing is only done by kids, right? And we're more mature now."

 

"Is that really it," Haru says rather than asks, turning to face Makoto with an oddly intent gaze. Makoto feels his cheeks heat at the sudden attention being put on him and he looks away. Why? Why did Haru have to do this to him?

 

"That must be it," Makoto insists, trying to keep his nervousness at bay as he smiles, his gaze still turned away from Haru. He doesn't want to open that box of feelings right now. He doesn't. He hasn't wanted to, ever since the moment he realized that Haru wasn't as keen on swimming because Rin left. He kept all of those scary feelings, the feelings that made him feel light in his chest and stomach, locked right up in a little box in the darkest recesses of his mind, just beside the bigger box of fears that he also had. Because friends only did certain things, said certain things, and there were just some lines that he doesn't want to cross.

 

"Nn," Haru hums after a while of silence, his gaze turned to the space above him when Makoto chances a glance at him. Makoto tries not to breathe out in relief, not wanting to let Haru know that the question he posed was a dangerous one.

 

He doesn't want to open that box, just yet. It isn't the right time.

 

But, when was it? When would the right time be?

 

Makoto still thinks about it, even when the day of their swimming competition grows near. Lying on a hotel bed, trying to sleep in a place that he isn't familiar with, and all while gradually letting the nervousness in his stomach go away in little sighs and exhalations. He wonders when it would be the right time, or if there will ever be one. Perhaps he'd have to hide it forever, until it ceased to exist? It's a sad thing to think about, although it didn't matter as much to him at the moment when he knew that their competition would be tomorrow. Still, the thought is there, right in the back of his mind.

 

It's just when he's finished yawning, his eyes already growing droopy with exhaustion from their previous activities, that Haru calls his name. "Makoto," he says, his back turned Makoto's way as he lies on his bed.

 

"Nn?" Makoto hums as he turns his gaze to Haru's back.

 

"I appreciate you being here for me," Haru says, voice clear enough to be heard despite the distance between them.

 

Makoto feels his weary eyes starting to fall shut- that is, until he realizes just what it is that Haru has said. "Thanks," Haru adds, a mild sort of embarrassment coloring his tone as Makoto feels his eyes grow wide in surprise at the words of gratitude.

 

"Haru?!" He blurts out as he sits up, watching with wide eyes as Haru sits up as well, though he keeps his back turned to Makoto still. The back that Makoto always hid behind whenever he was scared and the back that Makoto always looked at with a worried heart, wondering things like " _would Haru ever push me away, someday?"_ ; that same back that Makoto loved and felt scared of is something else now. Something new.

 

"I'm going out for a quick run," Haru says after a short period of silence.

 

"Wait, now?!" Makoto asks in bewilderment, his gaze following Haru as he gets up from his bed and heads for the door. It takes the sound of the door clicking shut before Makoto gives in to the fluttery feeling inside his chest, letting a laugh escape his lips as he lets the happiness take over, if only for a moment.

 

Maybe he could open that box after all.


End file.
